Have been a whirlwind… So I’ll give you a quick update. My son Zeke was born spring of 2013 and we decided I would stay home with him full time. Ava came along 18 months later. This past October when Ava turned one, I decided I wanted to go back to work, part-time. I was blessed/lucky enough to find a job that seemed like everything I prayed for: small company, great salary, great hours, and a role that matched my strong suits and experience in the industry I’m most familiar with.
Have you ever prayed for something and then got it!? But quickly realized it was given to you to learn a lesson? A big lesson? Well, this was a lesson in disguise. The job seemed perfect and it looked like I found a wonderful daycare for the kids. But things got hard very fast.
Quick flashback… I had a very hard childhood, alcoholic father who abused both my mother, me and my sister. Moved often, struggled to put food on the table, absent father, were just some of the struggles. But in the midst of it all God, my mother & grandmother did the best they could and kept us safe and in school. Teenage years were more stable. When I was old enough to get a job I would stay out of the house as much as possible. Most of my days I would leave the house when it was dark and wouldn’t return until it was dark during the school year. I occupied my time with school, sports, work, and after school activities so I wouldn’t have to be home and deal with home life. By the grace of God, I stayed out of trouble. At one point, at 16 years old I had 3 jobs! I thought I was ahead of the game but now I realize I was running away from my issues…
Fast forward to 15 years later… Married 5 years, stay at home mom of 2 kids and I decide I need to get a job. I decide it would be good for me. I decide the kids would be better off if they were away from me. I decide my husband didn’t need me. I decide I need to provide for the family. I decide work is where I need to be. I decide to go back to my old tendencies and run… because I wasn’t happy with my home situation.
It’s funny how old tendencies arise when things get hard… During the time I was working I realized some hard truths about myself, my marriage, how I viewed my kids, my role as a mother, my priorities and my walk with the Lord. The biggest thing I realized about myself was how I dealt with issues when I didn’t know how to fix them… I ran. Since work was not how I imagined it, I had to ask myself why did I go back to work when I didn’t have to and the answers above started to come.
I’m blessed to have people close to me that love and care for me enough to give me wise counsel that I’m utterly thankful for. I’m also blessed to be able to be back at home with my babies with a whole new appreciation & perspective for my role as believer, wife, and mother. So all in all the last 6 months was a blessing in disguise. Few key nuggets I learned and am still learning in no particular order:
- To face issues head on and stop running
- The grass is not always greener on the other side and stop thinking it is
- What you did in your past is in your past for a reason
- Seek wise counsel
- Stop being busy!
- Saying NO sometimes is a good thing
- Periodically ask hard questions about myself and my priorities
- Realize and accept the season of life that I’m in before making life changing decisions
- My babies need me more than anyone else in this world
- You can’t be everything to everyone and that’s ok
- Treasure the little moments
I’m lucky to know some women who’ve learned these things already and this is just part of my journey as a believer. My prayer is that this post encourages women in whatever season of life that you’re in and to face the realities and not run unless you’re running to Jesus.